Released 1989
Running time 1 hr 32 min
Rated M for occasional violence and sexual allusions.
Directed by: Bob Bralver
Starring: Dean Hamilton, Pamela Ludwig, Courtney Gebhart,
Greg Allman and Roy Thinnes.
The Blue Light
“It’s killing time on campus”, says the tagline on the cover
With a terrible image of three characters next to each
other,
The title “Rush week” splattered in the only blood that’s found
Across any pictures
on the front or the back, just hanging around.
The movie starts with a pan shot of a building and another
and another
With the actors names scrolling by, Greg in the sky! An
Allman brother!
There’s Pamela Ludwig and Don grant and even a Mcguffin too
Horror synth music starts to play then everything turns
blue.
Blue everything, everywhere, suddenly the music spikes!
Oh it’s just a tree, let’s get back to panning to see if
something strikes.
Now we are in a building blue colour drowning all the light
There’s a lab, a corridor, An ominous clock! Not much of a
fright.
Sudden rock music!
Shouts “Are you ready to party!”
Oh please god yes no more blue it was getting far too arty.
Band plays dressed in tribal gear
Dancers dack each other and everyone gives cheer
Outside a boring chick wearing a neck sweater,
Establishes plot with a cute blonde we would like to know
better.
“Complete animals” she says looking all superior now
Foreshadowing some conflict and I don’t really care how.
yay! back to wear the action is, “welcome to rush week!”
They are chanting Jeff or chug I cant quite tell, just let
him speak.
Something about pledges, and fraternity and such
About embarrassing them and harassing them, not original
much.
There’s a ceremonial axe, I’d keep an eye on that
And something called fright night, an event this movie will
end at.
Big guy Jeff needs to take a walk outside
A “ nerdy girl” walking alone in the sudden blue light tide
A pair of legs is walking now, they smell of red herring
The girl approaches a building, I’m having difficulty in
caring,
Sudden Boobs! Woke me straight up
Nudie photos, just filled my cup
Fat pervy guy wants to see some pink
“ at least I do for the money, not wack off material” I just
spat my drink.
Posing with a corpse now
Really don’t know why or how
Perv gives her money with an axe on it ( see I told you to
watch it)
He leaves her alone after getting angry, the room is dimly
lit
Trench coat, feet slow walking
Sessions over! Lights out no more talking
Scream, axe, bringing it down
No blood just jump cut, made me frown
Guitar shredding! Priss gets coffee, Cafeteria chef is a
sleaze
I’m not understanding this scene with a lot of ease.
There’s a douche bag yuppie and a bad gay joke
Felt bad for him until he spoke
Somehow this movie has turned into a bad frat flick
With a fake finger in his spaghetti that makes them laugh
and makes him sick.
Big guy Jeff tries with boring girl, trying to make her
swoon
She tells him no but he’s so dreamy, she’ll probably change
her tune.
There in class now allowing the plot to divert
Every person who works for the college is a raging pervert.
There’s a cadaver, what a surprise it was all a prank
Im getting bored of all these frat boys my face is turning blank.
Boring chick is journalist, talking to The Dean,
Blah blah rush week is this ,rush week is that, he really
isn’t mean
Talking about depravity, I suddenly pay attention
After a lame computer trick Toni realizes that he may have
intentions
His daughter died one year ago at this very time
Well there’s a motive kiddies, he can jump in the red
herring line.
There’s a weird scene with Greg Allman as a hippie teacher
Asses making asses of themselves, makes for tedious double
feature.
Boring girl Toni decides to take the case
Dean assures her that missing girl was just displaced
She pulled the same stunt last year he says
Doesn’t seem to care at all with the coldness he displays.
Off to the party they go
More of the same on show.
But it’s ten dollars to watch or $20 to join in
These “sexual allusions” are surely beginning
Peeping in on a prostitute, the boys begin to stir
Just one more for the road, they somehow convince her.
They bring in a god damn dead body for her to pleasure
Such an awful thing to do just for frat boy leisure,
Unsurprisingly she runs away and Big guy jeff needs to
“walk” somewhere
Shes running in a g string and I only slightly begin to
care.
The Blue light shows up again and takes over
Pants and trench coat are walking through now, this time
even slower.
She’s giving us the fakest cry I have ever heard
And suddenly without even saying a word
Axe! Girl runs, she falls predictably
We see killer wear a mask conspicuously
Axe comes down, no blood again! I feel ripped off
A cat could scare me better with a well timed cough.
Someone warns Toni to back off or else with the lame
computer trick
She suspects Big Guy Jeff now but he’s so dreamy he wouldn’t
be so sick.
There are more pranks involving ruining peoples fun and
sexual assault
Boring Girl Toni must steal information, which is totally
not her fault.
Starts to unravel tediously obvious plot
Julie was stripping for money, Alma was a hooker it really
isn’t a lot
She goes to science building and finds some blood
The music spikes to get us excited but then falls with
a thud.
Creepy janitor red herring, worst security guard ever
Big guy jeff waiting outside like a creep, not very clever.
Shes just a hooker he says, being a total prick
The movie looks like it is in black and white now, the blue
is really thick.
Toni ignores everything that he says, starts to dig some
more.
With the help of pseudo-science, she looks in the back door
Friends totally rat Jeff out on him acting all weird
But then the music tells us that the creepy chef is to be
feared.
Toni works on her computer and it tell her that death
purifies,
The phone rings and any suspense suddenly dies
Answer it for fuck sake!
Oh great they hung up, I blame you for how long you take.
Big guy jeff being all cute and sweet and completely
unconvincing
So Toni tells him everything she’s found, which leaves me
wincing.
Jeff looks disillusioned and they have the shortest dance in
history
He has so many friends who care about him but he sits there
in misery.
Toni agrees to help his friend find out what’s making him
itch
But only through blackmail because she’s actually a cold
hearted bitch.
Shock! He was dating the Dean’s daughter who totally got
killed
Jeff asks her on a date and she obviously seems thrilled.
Terrible stock music shows such romantic things to set the
mood
Marshmallows and driving and raining and jeff having a
brood.
Kiss but then no and then proper kiss
She’s a terrible judge of character, with all the clues she
dismissed.
She spoils the moment by asking about the dead chick
Honestly, what is wrong with you Toni, you are so
aggravatingly thick.
Back at school now, sleazy photography found another girl
Giving his weird fetish boob/ corpse combination another
whirl.
Oh wow it’s totally the sleazy chef, they are one and the
same.
I was going to get excited but then I realized that’s super
lame.
He leaves her high and dry as well and turns out all the
lights.
She starts walking around the building for no damn reason,
oh what delights.
She goes into a room and walks around slowly looking for
nothing
And then is somehow surprised when she hears someone coming.
Axe! Mask! Scream! Chop
Cut away again, you crappy m rated flop!
Toni back to investigating. Finds out where chef lives
She breaks into his house with a credit card and where zero
fucks give.
Obvious photo cut outs on the walls
Oh no chef’s home, so she goes ahead and falls.
She runs into the bathroom and hides in the bath
He takes a piss and I begin to laugh
He starts to get naked and she can’t take it anymore
She jumps and he falls onto the floor.
Toni in her infinite wisdom goes straight to the Dean,
Not to the police, cause that would be smart, she wants him
to come clean.
It’s an isolated incident, he says being all weird and
aggressive.
She shrugs it off and goes back to being intellectually
regressive.
“ this is real life not some stupid horror movie” he yells
Never once setting off any warning bells.
It’s almost fright night and people are missing
Friends call them flakes, while they’re too busy kissing.
Getting ready for the party there is Freddy Kruger dressed
up French (?)
Everyone is weird and cultish and there is a really cheesy
stench.
An addition of a chainsaw guitar is literally the best thing
in this by far
There’s a random Halloween party not on Halloween, pretty bizarre.
You have to protect ceremonial axe, someone tried to swipe
it
Well obviously that’s going to fail whether or not they like
it.
Toni goes and tries to catch killer, presumably
Jeff goes and tries to save her, predictably
He totally steals the axe as well
Toni tries to Call the Dean, bloody hell
He’s not at home, what a surprise
I’m thoroughly looking forward to her demise.
She’s in the building now walking around for no reason
She’s startled by a skeleton and then laughs, oh boy it’s
stupid season.
Oh no the chef is coming, he could still be our guy
Someone cut the power, but she’ll still give the lifts a
try.
The chef walks into another room. Sudden Axe!!
Oh goody! The only blood in the movie! Glorious head gash
Chef is dead, let’s put that red herring in the trash.
The GAE mess up Jeff’s room, they find pictures
Find newspaper clippings of murdered girls, and other such
fixtures.
Pseudo-science girl uses computer to warn Toni,
The stupid power is meant to be out, this continuity can
blow me.
I really really just want something to happen now.
I’ll flip out and throw the cover at the Tv, this I vow.
Oh wait there’s the axe, and she fucking dodges it, what!
No one else has been able to, this better be good for the
plot.
She starts to run again, and waits for the god damn lift!
She has a spark of genius and goes for the stairs so swift.
The killer is somehow on level one ahead of her
So she goes into the basement, her logic is a blur
She makes noise like an idiot, doesn’t try to get out.
At this point my whisper has turned into a shout
Don’t tip over the spiders, oh my god you stupid clout.
Trying to be suspenseful with killer walking around basement
With Toni trying not to scream with inconvenient spider
placement.
She gets out, *groan*
She goes to the furnace room ( wtff?) *moan*
The killer shows up and a there is a sudden guitar solo
Only a momentary distraction from how much this chase does
blow.
Toni creeps up and hit the killer with some kind of tool
The mask falls off and it’s Jeff, she has been a fool!
But then the killer comes up (another one)
And tries to kill her, (confusing) oh what fun!
It’s Dean Grail (well Duh)
He needs to purify everyone, most obvious revelation by far.
They fight, she stabs him and apologizes to Jeff
Even though he was dressed as the killer for no reason and
was obviously deaf.
The plot comes pouring out. Blah bah obsessed
Jeff needed to trap him (still confusing) to get him to
confess.
Killer comes back again (duh) and Toni reaches for Axe
Jeff’s hanging back trying to relax
She chucks him the axe and without much force
Jeff cuts the Dean’s head off, just in time of course.
All their friends show up and go oh oohhh
They don’t know what is going on because they’re drunk and
slow.
The new Dean (already) congratulates Jeff on murdering the
old one
After all that they have been through how can they be having
fun?
They joke about DBD being perfect gentlemen in their eyes
They do this weird wave goodbye, concealing all the lies.
The party starts again, everything as it should be,
No more blue light creeping up on me.
This movie ruined my brain
I don’t think I’ll go killing on campus again.
